In Memory Of My Mum xxx

Christmas time is all about sharing precious moments with family and friends, from the youngest babies and innocent children to the older generations of Grandparents (and if you’re very lucky) Great-Grandparents.  
 
Our house has always been packed to the rafters with brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews – food and drink flowing with plenty of party games, quizzes and laughter.  Seeing all the wonderful festivity through Hugo’s eyes this last six years has been extra special.
 

Sadly…inevitably, this all comes with a however.  There is one very central person in my life that is yet again this year an empty chair at the table, my beautiful Mum.  For every toast that is raised there is a glass missing, for every joke there is one person’s laughter not ringing out across the room and the absence aches across the whole family even if nobody says a word.
 
Christmas without my Mum is undoubtedly one of the hardest times of year. 
 
Born Jane Elizabeth Styles she was one of Frank and Janet Styles’ four children. Growing up they were a close and happy family even if they didn’t have very much. 

Mum and my Gramps, Frank Styles

Mum and my Nan, Janet Styles

For my Mum however it was when she met my Dad that the fairy-tale truly began. 
 
She was such a natural beauty, always immaculately made up but miraculously someone who seemed to be able to look amazing in no time at all.  My parents always made such a handsome couple at every stage of their life together.   

​They were together four years before they got married on a snowy Winter’s day on 20th December, 1969.  Soon after they had my eldest brother Norman followed by Laura, Edward and finally me; Charlotte Emily in 1980.

My Mum was a truly amazing woman – popular, dynamic and in possession of an infectious zest for life. Although she dedicated herself to bringing up her four children she always found time to party and socialise with the best of them!   One of my fondest memories was her picking me up from school, seeing her smiling face beaming through the school gate although it’s closely followed by being allowed to mop up some fillet steak on a Friday night if I snook down into their romantic meal!

Our childhoods (and adult lives!) were all about home cooked food, impulsive trips to the beach, an open and cosy house with clear boundaries if we misbehaved!  She was the perfect mix. 

When I went to secondary school Mum decided to go back to University and studied Nursing at Canterbury Christchurch. She did this whilst still being a fabulous wife and Mum, getting up at 4 a.m. to study and then getting us all ready for our day when we came downstairs – I don’t know where she found the energy! 

​Mum had a wicked sense of humour, her laugh was a cackle and it was the kind of laugh that you just couldn’t help but laugh with her. As the years passed we grew even closer as friends as well as Mum and Daughter. She supported me through all of my career – she came to all of my informal concerts at school where I used to sing and play the piano to my first West End show (she was more nervous than me I think).  
 
We shared bubbles, nights at the theatre, chats, spas, lunches in Harrods and a love of karaoke after a few drinks at home!  She was just the best. 

As a Grandmother to her 5 Grandchildren she was amazing.  She never said no to them and doted on them all at all times, they all loved her but respected her too! Nobody messes with Granny.  (Although I swear I saw Hugo getting away with things that I would have been in trouble for when I was his age!)

​Sadly this is where our story takes a devastating turn.

In April 2016 my Mum and I were out shopping for my Birthday when I noticed she couldn’t swallow her lunch properly... this was the first sign of a year long battle with stomach cancer. 
 
To say it tore me apart would be an understatement..... my world collapsed at that moment, all of my foundations suddenly shifted seismically and a new world was created – one with the fear and prospect of losing this special lady, the woman that bore me into the world and cradled me everyday since whether I knew it or not.

Despite my own fear I was determined to support my Mum and Dad through this with all the positivity and love that I could muster…and that’s what we did. 
 
She lost all of her hair through the chemotherapy (albeit she looked great with a bald head!).   As she could no longer eat normally she had a nasogastric tube fitted for 8 weeks which gave her food and drink, she underwent a major operation to remove her stomach in a bid to beat the spread of cancer as well as endless scans and procedures.  Mum bravely battled the whole ordeal with a smile and never uttered a single word of complaint.
 
She was going to beat this, that was her sole determination. 
 
This picture of Mum and Dad below was taken at an Easter family dinner about 6 weeks before she sadly died.  Four weeks later she was given a terminal diagnosis and passed away peacefully 2 weeks after that. Poignantly we were all by her side, a moment I will never forget. 

Each day is still hard.  I’m not ashamed to admit I sought help from both a councillor and a doctor to help me through the darkest days.   I have an amazing husband and son, Dad, siblings, wider family and not forgetting some dedicated friends. 

So I dedicate this blog to my beautiful Mum - Jane Elizabeth Mounter. There are few like her, a bona-fide one in a million. 

Thanks for reading everyone. Here’s to a good 2020!

Much love,

Charlotte
Xxxx